Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
Relationship Status: Getting a haircut once a month just to feel boobs brushed against my arm
I was going to buy a KitchenAid but saw that it had mixed reviews.
Halloween is just a month away, and I still haven’t picked out my excuse for not dressing up.
Does the government shutdown mean we can start looting? Asking for a friend.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
I call smoking sections Coughy Shops.