This girl once told me she wanted me to do it doggy style, so I licked her face, crapped on the carpet, and bit her mailman in the ankle.
You never truly feel the need for the T and G keys to be further apart until you accidentally reply to an email by saying, "Best Retards."
My dad told me I should bring condoms to college. When I told him I'm only taking online classes he just winked!
Amigo
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over it.
I've spent my whole life trying to maintain my integrity. That didn't work. How do I sell out?
Netflix gives you 15 seconds between episodes to decide whether or not you're doing anything with your life today.
If Internet Explorer is brave enough to ask to be your default browser, you're brave enough to ask that girl out.