Cyberbilly
This homeless guy asked me for money the other day and I was about to give it to him then I thought; he's just going to spend it on alcohol and drugs. Why should I give it to him? Then I realized that's what I'm gonna use it for. Who am I to judge this poor bastard?
Cyberbilly
If I'm ever in the hospital on Life Support, don't just pull the plug. Pull it and plug it back in. Basically, see if you can reboot me.
Cyberbilly
Never drink with the blacksmith's wife. You might get hammered.
Cyberbilly
I'm not saying my dog is lazy, but instead of chasing cars, she just sits in in the front yard and jots down license numbers.
Officer: "Anything you say will be held against you" Me: "BOOBS!"
I went from a size 36 waist to a size 27! The diet was called "The Grunge Era Ended."
Automatic doors are making being a gentleman difficult. It doesn't seem as romantic rushing to jump in front of the sensor to open the door.