Insightful Statuses

I tried making some rabbit stew one weekend, but the kids complained that there was a hare in it.

I don't understand those couples that fight and then a minute later change their Facebook status to 'Single.' I fight with my parents but you don't see me change my status to 'Orphan.'

Don't cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse.

If each day is a gift, I would like to know where I can return Mondays.

Not to brag but I didn't need to be rich and famous to have ego problems and make terrible personal decisions.

I wish running felt great during and terrible after instead of the reverse, because I seem to be better about doing things in vodka order.

Why is it that the people that "tell it like it is" are always the people you never want hear anything from?