Poor: (adj.) When you have too much month at the end of your money.
We must be really stupid, because people are misspelling everything even with auto-correct.
This match won't light, which is weird because it did this morning.
For most people, when you lose your "khakis" you've lost your pants. When you're from Boston and lose your "khakis" you can't start your car.
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can't watch Breaking Bad.
Friendly reminder that the Mayan calendar ends on Friday. If you have any Mayan friends, a new calendar would make a great Christmas gift.
I don’t understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I’m trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.