Insightful Statuses

I wish the Mayans predicted the end of the world to be before finals week.
In response to the new Facebook guidelines I hereby declare that pressing alt+F4 will magically make all this go away.
If I ever write a suicide note, I’m going to start it off with “As of today, I am officially announcing my resignation…”
#3080
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Cyberbilly
Can you buy an entire chess set at a pawn shop?
My elf on the shelf went pee on the tree.
Today I realized that Mario is definitely homeless. He wakes up every day wearing the same clothes, runs around in sewers, beats up people for their money, and what does he spend it on? Mushrooms.
Do you guys ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone has a voodoo doll of you & they're stabbing it? No? How about now?
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