Austin Mulka
A cop pulled me over and said "Papers" so I responded "Scissors I win!" and drove off.
To the woman in I saw in Walmart with the 7 screaming kids, if your wondering how that box of condoms got into your shopping cart "You're welcome."
When is it bad luck to have a black cat BEHIND you? When you're a mouse.
I think my iPhone is broken. I keep pressing the home button but I'm still at work!
I had a threesome last night. A couple of no shows, but I still had a good time.
Austin Mulka
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I'd have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Austin Mulka
1. Open fridge. Nothing to eat. 2. Open cabinets. Nothing to eat. 3. Lower standards and repeat.