Michael Mendoza
I don't think that I could ever become a murderer. I can barely stab the plastic straw in a capri-sun.
You know you're broke as hell when your bologna doesn't have a first name!
Greece have actually won 14 Olympic golds, but the medal table only shows the medals that haven't been melted down and sold as scrap.
I can't get a mobile signal in my village, yet terrorists have no problem sending videos from caves. Is there a special terrorist tariff?
My Olympic condoms have arrived - I wanted to wear a gold one, but the wife said "wear the silver one and come second for a change".
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes sex drive by 95% - it's called Wedding Cake
After a heavy night's drinking, I took a bus home. That might not be a big deal to some of you, but it was the first time I'd driven one.