Bored? Simply send a text message to a random number saying..."I'm Pregnant!"
My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I'm flattered.
When Simba is singing how he can't wait to be king, he's singing how he can't wait for his father to die.
Guys, after a certain length they're no longer shorts. They're capris. You are wearing capris.
Currently experiencing a willpower outage
When snorting Coke, be careful. It is extremely difficult to get an ice cube out of a nose.
Cyberbilly
Last night we were in bed and I asked my wife "What would you like to do to my body more than anything else?" She said "Identify it."