Saying "beer can" with a British accent sounds like "bacon" with a Jamaican accent.
When you ex says "You'll never find someone like me again", reply "I sure hope not..."
A paper cut is a tree's last revenge.
Give me liberty, or give me death! Preferably liberty, though. Death sounds kinda scary.
Maybe if they turned the economy off and then turned it back on it might run better. Works for my computer...
I don't know which is worse... waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so you can use it or hearing them say "come in" when you knock on the bathroom door...
A cop just knocked on my door and told me that my dogs were chasing people on bikes. My dogs don't even own bikes...