Insightful Statuses

I already know what my dying wish will be. It will be to stop dying.
Make grocery shopping fun....put pregnancy tests in old ladies carts & beer in pregnant women's. Although that's a typical sight at Walmart.....
President Obama to boost Alzheimer's research funding. Obama will also be boosting Alzheimer's research funding.
Every time I use a public bathroom, I always wonder why so many people have Sharpies on them at all times.
Barely passed my physical. Didn't pass my mental.
I never understood the phrase "money doesn't grow on trees." Money IS made out of paper, right?
I'm wearing headphones not because I am listening to music, but because I don't want you bothering me at work.
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