I was having a great day until it hit me that The Situation has already made more money than I'll ever see in my lifetime. How's your day?
Go ahead and name your daughter Kirsten. We'll switch the i and r in our minds anyway.
The hardest job in the world must be working in a bubble wrap factory. Can you imagine the self control that is required?
Don’t run from the police, you’ll just go to jail tired.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes, unless you are trying to complete a task before the microwave beeps.
"We'll just agree to disagree" translates directly to "You couldn't be more freaking wrong but I'm over this argument."
Those annoying subscription cards that fall out of magazines are the earliest forms of pop-up ads.