Some day you'll go far. And with any luck, you'll stay there.
In the future, teens will look at pictures of crazy trend setters like Lady Gaga, think we all dressed like that, and wonder what we were thinking...
When someone asks me if I "have a sec" I always respond with "I have a lot of secs"
If I didn't have to pee, I'd probably never get out of bed.
You can't expect me to stick to my resolution to give up booze. I was drunk when I made it.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Jehovah's witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought Girl Scout cookies.