Pet Tip: Put some crazy glue on your cat's favorite place to sit and you can have your very own Sphinx.
If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of angry countries not talking to each other.
4 out of 5 dentists recommend sugarless gum. That means 1 in 5 dentists has business sense.
Saying "don't hate the player, hate the game" is like saying "don't hate the guy who stabbed you, hate that he had a chance to stab you".
It was right about now that Joseph heard for the 3rd time "sorry but that baby looks nothing like you."
The best present I get every Christmas day is 11 months of not hearing Christmas carols.
It's Friday! I'm as happy as a newborn in a topless bar!