If a telemarketer calls, give the phone to your 3 year-old and tell them it's Santa.
My parents told me: "You've got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!" so I turned on the subtitles.
CNN had a story covering the world's richest animals. They can probably get rid of the middle N in their name now.
I disagree with Folgers. The best part of waking up is that you didn't die in your sleep.
Where does the road paved with bad intentions go?
Does this red Solo cup full of beer make me look frat?
I went to the bookstore to buy "Where's Waldo?" I looked all over the store and couldn't find it....Well played Waldo, Well played.