TSA agents should have to remove an article of their own clothing every time they don't find anything during a strip search.
I'm aging like a fine wine that someone left uncorked.
Men are like parking spots: The good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower. It's like a normal shower, but with me in it.
What's the smoothest way to tell your dinner date that she has to get something of equal or lesser value?
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
Dear rappers, please stop putting sirens in your music. When im driving it scares the crap out of me.