I wish the "I'm not a morning person" excuse could apply to whole days.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
I have to return this anatomy book because its appendix is missing.
My dog has been sitting outside in front of the snowman for an hour waiting for it to throw one of those twigs.
Dear genitals, thanks for not bleeding every month. Sincerely, a man
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
Some people might as well post "Wants Attention" as their facebook status.