Constipation and procrastination are similar. In both conditions you don't give a crap.
I hate taking girls to eat at Subway, when they get their six inch sub they look at me and instantly know I've been lying to them.
Dear College Kids, I've been doing all your papers since freshmen year...give me some money. Love, Wikipedia
Being a virgin in this day and age is something to be proud of. You're like a freaking unicorn.
If I die in my sleep you can actually say that I died doing what I loved.
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
How am I supposed to work when there's so much internet?