Dance like no ones watching. Sing like no ones listening. Live everyday like Maury told you its not your baby.
I tried to log on to Facebook. It said, "Cookies are required to operate." I thought to myself, "Me too, Facebook. Me too."
I would never go bungee jumping. A broken rubber brought me into this world, and it's not going to take me out.
Men go through 3 stages: Drinking from boobs, staring at boobs, and growing boobs.
Congress declares school lunch pizza a vegetable. All part of "No Child Left Without a Giant Behind."
There should be a "sleep in the car" option if you land on someone's hotel in Monopoly.
If my body is a temple, it is to an angry and vengeful god.