Halloween Tip: Before you say, "Great zombie costume!" make sure the person isn't just incredibly ugly.
Facebook should have a limit on the number of times you can change your relationship status. After 3 or so it should default to "Unstable".
Halloween: The one night a year where we completely undo everything we've taught our kids about taking candy from strangers.
Somehow, when she dresses up like a witch one night a year, it's sexy. But when she's a witch every other day of the year... nothing.
I want to steal your phone and change my contact name to "Nature". Then, I'll call you.
I'm done learning new things until someone can prove to me that we won't have Google forever.
It's smart how Freddy Krueger never attacked a community college. He knew he couldn't kill people whose dreams have already died.