I want "Wake me if anything cool happens" on my tombstone.
I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.
Nurse, "There's a man in the waiting room who claims he's invisible." Doctor, "Tell him I can't see him."
Relationships are like farts, you shouldn't force one that's not there or the end result could be crappy.
Mom taught me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". I ended up mute for most of the 90s.
Tried explaining Twitter to my dad, but his "why would you want to do that?" argument was pretty bulletproof.
Even if I have no idea why you broke up but I see you went from a relationship to single on Facebook, I'm clicking Like just to stir the pot.