Insightful Statuses

Upon further consideration, "Gillette: The best a man can get" is an incredibly depressing thought.
Ladies, the reason you can't find a kind, sensitive and handsome single man is that they already have boyfriends.
NASA's planning a mission to clean up space debris. Will they wear orange spacesuits? I want to do that for my community service.
Out of all the possible utensils that could have been invented to eat rice with, how did two sticks win?
Old MacDonald had a really bad scrabble hand. E-I-E-I-O
Sometimes when I’m carrying one of my sleeping children I’m tempted to wake them up & say “You’re gonna do this for me in 20 years, right?”
Goodbye Qwikster. Now I'll go back to using you as a nickname for my penis.
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