If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
Hipsters hate rivers. Too mainstream.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
At least a zombie would love me for my brain.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
It's amazing how once you stop thinking with your wiener all the time, the ladies finally let you use yours.
I want to raise my kids like I was so when I change the TV channel I make my kid get up and pretend to turn a dial.