Drag racing is just dudes running in dresses, right?
Men are the best cooks Because with 2 eggs, 1 sausage, and a little bit of milk, they can fill a girl's tummy for 9 months.
Trust me, don't play Twister with someone who has a prosthetic leg, you'll never win.
Just saw an old pic of my pregnant mom standing by a microwave with a cigarette in one hand & a beer in the other. Which explains EVERYTHING!
My mother in law asked me to join her LinkedIn network, which pretty much means I have to stay away from the entire internet for the rest of my life.
It's not a popular superpower, but the ability to bleed from your ears on command would be a good way to get out of a lot of conversations.
Don't get too excited if someone says your looks could stop traffic. A homeless man taking a dump in the middle of the street stops traffic.