When someone asks, "Can I be honest?" before saying something, you have to wonder what the hell they're doing the rest of the time.
If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?
Unless the place you're checking into has celebs, free drinks, or is on fire, Twitter doesn't need to know about it.
A stupid driver cancels out a smart car.
My life is an open book. Of course, I have it dog-eared to the page I want you to see, but still.
Did anyone else notice Rebecca Black doesn’t have to pee in the mornings?
Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's your excuse?