Insightful Statuses

I had the rudest, slowest, and nastiest cashier today. That's it! I'm done using the self-checkout lane.

Of course trees poop, where do you think #2 pencil come from?

I’m giving up eating chocolate for a month. Sorry bad punctuation. I’m giving up. Eating chocolate for a month.

Security at every level of the airport is insane until you get to baggage claim. Then it’s like take whatever bag you want.

Egg prices are so crazy right now, I ordered an omelette for brunch and 7 girls brought it out with a sparkler.

I wonder what the part of my brain, that used to store telephone numbers, is doing nowadays.

You make me a better person of interest.