Insightful Statuses

Aliens probably ride past Earth and lock their doors.

I am trying to get into the Christmas spirit but can't get the bottle open...

I think the Airlines should let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide if you're flying First Class.

I think Rudolph's story got it all wrong. Usually it's the brown-nosers that end up in leadership roles.

I always Jingle all the way. Nobody likes a half-assed Jingler.

A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom just means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer

Since Facebook claims ownership of everything you post on their website I think I should start uploading my bills.