If you’re in a Sublime cover band, you actually DO have to practice Santeria.
Xyuppi
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
Xyuppi
The temperature went from 85 to 60 like seeing a State Trooper on the highway.
Florida
Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
You don't actually wash your hands. They wash each other while you stand there looking at them like a creep.
Getting money for your birthday is like passing ‘Go’ in Monopoly.
Opera is basically just screaming in cursive.