I won $3 million on the lottery this weekend so I decided to donate a quarter of it to charity. Now I have $2,999,999.75.
Lots of people complain about their looks. But not nearly enough complain about their brains.
Herman Cain has now denied more sex than I've had.
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me!
I've always been afraid to talk to girls. I'm hoping this is something I can conquer, particularly as my daughter is just turning 8.
Horror is bad, horrific is bad. Terror is bad, terrific is good? Did I miss something?
I'm aging like a fine wine that someone left uncorked.