Being a parent may be thankless but at least the pay is terrible.
I'm a cubic zirconia in the rough.
Halloween is the season for haunted hayrides. How much would your afterlife suck if you were forced to haunt hay for eternity?
Mom taught me "if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all". I ended up mute for most of the 90s.
Just gave my two weeks notice at the Halloween store. Jerks didn't even seem upset.
Before I get married, I plan to have my fiance run for president so any bad stuff he's done comes out.
Every time a friend starts a sentence with, "I went to a psychic," I yell, "SPOILER ALERT!" and cover my ears.