You know you are getting old when the candles on your birthday cake start to cost more than the cake.
Amigo
If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it...
A book fell on my head, I can only blame my shelf.
Cris
If I were a doctor, I would do volunteer work by standing outside of gas stations and writing prescriptions for antibiotics to people who walk out with sushi.
Robert Zunick
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person. ..apparently they call THAT stalking.
When a pregnant woman swims, she is a human submarine.
Amigo
I’m going to switch my insurance from Geico to Allstate, then Statefarm, then back to Geico. If i’m correct, they should owe me $950