Funny Statuses

Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?

I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.

It's a bad sign when your credit card bill has a comma and your bank statement doesn't!

You should always give your wine room to breathe. If you notice it's not breathing, place your lips on the bottle and administer mouth to mouth.

I'm not going to jump on the "I hate Monday morning" bandwagon because I hate all work days equally.

Turtles can breathe out of their butt, which is incredible. Considering most humans can only talk out of theirs.

I don't ever need to go sky diving or bungee jumping. Leaving a pizza in the oven while I make a quick run to Walgreens is about all the adrenaline rush I can handle.