I wish I was as fat as the first time I thought I was fat.
Novell
“Shit ton” is my favorite unit of measurement.
Cyberbilly
"Karate" is an old Japanese word that means, "My kid can't hit a baseball."
Facebook should change its name to Acquaintance Birthday Reminder
My doctor says I should eat more healthy, but we all saw how that whole apple thing went for Eve.
Monkeys made it to space before we did without even trying.
I really like this new reality show "Neighbor Without Drapes"