Funny Statuses

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Every pretty girl has an ugly friend. If you don't have one then you must be the ugly friend.
When I want your opinion ... I'll take off the duct tape.
I like it when I buy a bag of air, and the company is nice enough to put some chips in it.
If you teach sex ed, it's good to tell kids the feelings they're having are normal, but funnier to single one out and mouth "Except yours."
Friend texted me and asked “what does IDK stand for?” I said “I dont know” she replied “OMG! nobody does!”
Whoever snuck the s in “fast food” is a clever person.
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