People say the early bird catches the worm. They never talk about the early worm though....
It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.
Moses would be the best lifeguard ever.
*Spoiler Alert!* The milk in my fridge a week past the expiration date.
Musicians: Stop it with hidden tracks. It's like serving me dinner, then making me search the kitchen for dessert.
My money keeps unfollowing me.
When I was a kid, "underwear bomber" meant throwing my dirty underwear on my brother's face from the top bunk.