When a cashier asks if you have a loyalty card just sigh and say, "My wife took everything when she left"
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
I need to get my birthday suit taken in.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it's not their own.
Tequila probably won’t fix your problems, but it’s worth a shot.
Novell
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn’t doing his part of the chores around here.
Bought a weight loss exercise video. After watching it 3 times a day for 3 months I haven't lost crap.