Funny Statuses

Jared began and ended his Subway career trying to get into smaller and smaller pants.

I'm willing to bet very few women would appreciate the humor of giving birth on Labor Day, ya know, at the time.

Miracle Whip is a bit of an exaggeration if you ask me.

Thank you, student loans, for getting me through college. How can I ever repay you? No, seriously...

A set of jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.

Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.

I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen.