Robert Zunick
My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say, "hey, that one looks like an idiot"
Amigo
I’m opening a healthy alternative all egg-white omelet breakfast joint. I really think my “Whites Only!” restaurant idea will be a hit!
I've been running as fast as I can, but I still can't catch my breath.
Nicholas Eck
Naked yoga in the backyard is the best way to get the neighbors to pay for that privacy fence.
It’s called a “remote” because those are your odds of finding it when you want to change the channel.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. I didn't want to interrupt her.