Whenever I panic about my eventual death I think "Someday an oldies station will play Ke$ha," and I'm no longer afraid.
My Christmas tree was too big for the car so I had to cut the top off. It wasn't so bad. I always wanted a convertible anyway.
"It's like sending mean-spirited telegraphs to thousands of strangers." (How I explain Twitter to old people.)
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Perfect girls are found at every corner of the earth... unfortunately, the earth is round.
It's not that I'm a quiet person, it's just that I don't give a crap about what you're talking about.
Alice in Wonderland without hesitation drank a bottle labeled "Drink Me" leading me to believe she'd be very popular at frat parties.