I was never the class clown. I was more of a trapeze artist because I was always being suspended.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.
I just bought a Swiss car. It runs like clockwork, but I can't figure out how to get it out of neutral.
There's enough alcohol in my house to put me in the hospital yet I'm completely sober. Does that mean I'm an adult?
Feel free to use the "or less" feature of your 140 characters.
I bet M.C. Escher gave the worst directions ever.
Nothing you can ever accomplish will make your parents any happier than the first time you slept through the night.