There needs to be a Life Alert for when the remote control is out of reach.
Never trust a person who speaks in absolutes.
Amigo
Thinking about moving to Alabama just so I don’t have to scroll through all those other states when I sign up for websites
Amigo
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!
Amigo
Who is this Rorschach guy? … and why does he paint so many pictures of my parents fighting?
Amigo
I’ve robbed banks before…and they’re never getting their pens back
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.