I feel lazier than the guy who designed the Japanese flag
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you're not in shape, it's too far to walk back.
Cyberbilly
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
DaddyButter
I don't understand those couples that fight and then a minute later change their Facebook status to 'Single.' I fight with my parents but you don't see me change my status to 'Orphan.'
I wonder what the most intelligent thing ever said was that started with the word 'dude.'
My next-door neighbors recently got divorced for religious reasons -- he thought he was God and she didn't.
Waiting for the day when a girl finally says that I'm "the one," but isn't talking to a police officer.