Old age is the only disease that people don't look forward to being cured of.
I sent a tweet via text message 45 minutes ago and it still hasn't gone through yet. I think my phone may've unfollowed me.
Kinda bummed there's no all-transvestite social networking site called Dragnet.
I wish I could have as much fun making money as I do spending it.
It should be a law that you have to leave a note on the waffle box if you use the last of the syrup..
I've met too many people to still call it "common sense."
Women say that men have it easy because we never experience childbirth. How the hell do they think we got here?