#thedailyjeff
Never raise your hand to your children. It leaves your midsection unprotected.
Jon
Someone offered me grapes, but I declined. I'm not used to consuming wine in pill form.
Xyuppi
While someone is speaking to me, 80% of my inner dialogue is just wondering if my face looks interested.
Xyuppi
Earn extra cash from superstitious strangers by placing a wishing well in your front garden.
Xyuppi
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day
Putting a light in the refrigerator is God's way of telling us that it's okay to eat before going to bed.
Xyuppi
Don't invite me anywhere last minute. I enjoy doing nothing so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.