I just want to find the "she" to my "nanigans".
Robert Zunick
Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for most of you.
I never make plans until I know how I am getting out of them.
I just assume that when a restaurant automatically adds 15% to the bill for a tip that the service is going to suck.
rudyizcool
My life is so dull and boring, when my identity was stolen...it was returned back to me!
I love Costco. You don't go there thinking you're gonna buy a 12-pack of watermelons but you'll probably leave with one.
[DOG MAGICIAN] Think of a color, any color...let me guess…is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my God…how did you guess that?