I have been in parks less shady than you.
Amigo
If aliens ever attack, I hope they do it in rows of 8, going right and left directly above me. I’m very skilled at shooting aliens this way.
Cris
My friend wanted to meet someone the old fashioned way, so I offered sheep and land to a man she didn't know if he agreed to take care of her.
I believe pizza delivery cars should be allowed to use sirens
I’d be 100x more motivated if Samuel L. Jackson yelled at me to get things done.
Novell
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won’t go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.
There's a lot of talk about voting today. Is American Idol back on or something?