I'm probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
If you ever come over unannounced, it'll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants
Amigo
At any given time my wallet is worth more than its contents.
K Psi
My ex used to treat me like a God (she only thought of me when she needed something and forgot about me when things were going well)
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What couple possibly go wrong with that?
Cyberbilly
This getting older thing really sucks. These days my eyes are so bad I have to buy the Large Print edition of Alphabet Soup.
How is soy sauce black and soy milk white when soybeans are green?