If money doesn't grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
Life is way more exciting in your forties. At any point you could sneeze wrong and end up getting emergency back surgery.
Marriage advice. Twice a week the wife and I go out for a nice, relaxing meal. She goes on Mondays and I go on Fridays.
I work out every morning, and when I'm done I delete my browsing history
I can hear the pitter patter of little feet in your future. You're going to make a great cat lady.
Time to start practicing that fake enthusiasm for when you get a present you didn’t want.
Proofreading is seeing what the alcohol content is.