Funny Statuses

When someone says "hey man, its been a while!" I can't help but think "I've been avoiding you, but you're becoming a better finder."
When Bill Gates's life flashes before his eyes, I hope it appears as PowerPoint presentation that employs every cheesy transition & effect.
When I kill a spider or any type of bug I always think its family and friends are going to come after me for revenge.
I got an STD from a hipster. My doctor said he's never heard of it.
I may have schizophrenia, but at least I have each other.
Forget the “poke” button… I want a “Punch someone in the face so they know how dumb they really are” button.
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Michael Mendoza
Apple was going to make an Ipod for kids, but Itouch kids isnt a very good marketing name.
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