Amigo
7 billion people on the planet and I can only tolerate maybe 10
Cris
Posting a status update before responding to someone's text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.
Amigo
Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents job
If there's a bar where everybody knows your name, you're probably an alcoholic.
Amigo
I wish I could have the Price Is Right audience around whenever I’m making important life decisions.
Traci Schanck
I'm not sure if life is passing me by or trying to run me over.
Note to friends... next time your significant other asks what's on TV, don't say dust.